You and Your Spouse
Sex is not rocket science, which means anyone can be good at it, and we can all keep improving our skills. In fact, getting better at sex is part of a married person’s job because good sex is part of the foundation of a good marriage. Here are 10 ways – from the basic to the more advanced – to spice up your sex life:
1. Talk to your spouse more.
In addition to talking about sex and sharing your sexual fantasies, you and your husband or wife should talk more in general. Improving your communication and speaking with one another more frequently will make you feel closer to one another. That will make you more intimate and probably less inhibited in the bedroom – or wherever you prefer to have sex.
2. Spend more time on foreplay.
Sex should be something to which you look forward. Foreplay is what gets you excited and anticipating the main event. It doesn’t have to be limited to the 15 minutes before you’d like to have sex. You could start the day with sexy text messages (think MMS with a revealing photo or an e-mail expressing how hot your husband looked as you both left for work).
3. Get better at oral sex.
Foreplay often ends with both partners performing oral sex on one another. Sometimes, people take oral sex for granted, but it can be quite pleasurable and can really put people, especially women, in the mood for sex. When performing cunnilingus on a woman, men should refrain from making jabbing movements with their tongue. Slower, softer movements are usually better. Women, while performing fellatio on a man, should of course keep their teeth away from the man’s penis and use their lips and tongue instead. Both men and women who are performing oral sex should use their hands to enhance the experience. Let your partner lead you with directions, so you know what he or she prefers.
4. Try new positions.
This might seem like an obvious tip, but you’d be surprised by the number of married people who get stuck in a sex rut by performing the same combination of positions over and over again. There is more to sex than missionary and woman on top. You might try reverse cowboy or doggy style or a move you have seen on TV – or anything Sting has talked about doing. The point is to try a new sexual position and see if you and your husband or wife enjoy it.
5. Climax at the same time.
Reaching orgasm at the same time is easier said than done. But if the woman can orgasm (it’s usually more difficult for her) and she gives her husband fair warning that it’s about to happen, he might be able to reach orgasm with her. This intensifies the moment and truly has the two of you feeling like one (not to mention feeling like porn stars). In the end, you’ll probably collapse into each others' arms from exhaustion – and have the best sleep ever.
6. Dress for sex all the time.
Wearing sexy lingerie or silk boxers (or nothing at all) underneath your work clothes or sweats even will help you feel sexy and a little naughty. This will put you in the mood for sex and throughout the day will have you anticipating the moment you finally get to have sex. It will also serve as a lovely surprise as your husband or wife undresses you. White cotton granny panties, after all, can really kill the mood.
7. Be spontaneous.
While some people have to schedule sex to make sure it happens, there is something exhilarating about having sex with your partner unexpectedly. If your husband is in the bathroom getting ready for work and you rub against him, push him against the wall, and give him a kiss and it leads to sex right then and there, you’ll both start the day with a smile. Some couples even enjoy sex in public places. But that can get risky because if you get caught, it’s against the law. Your couch or the kitchen table in the middle of the day might be better alternatives.
8. Use toys or lubricant to enhance the experience.
There’s nothing wrong with bringing a vibrator to bed with you or getting KY Jelly to make sex less painful or simply more stimulating. Some couples enjoy browsing at sex shops together to find items that would improve their sex life. Everything from chocolate body paints to whips and chains is available these days, and with your husband or wife you shouldn’t feel embarrassed. But you should discuss what kinds of things would appeal to both of you and neither of you should feel forced to participate if you’re not comfortable.
9. Indulge in quickies.
In this crazy world, you don’t always have time for marathon sex. That doesn’t mean you should go without. A great quickie on your lunch hour or just before leaving for work can leave you feeling refreshed and satisfied. Ladies, who have trouble reaching orgasm with a quickie, can still find pleasure in the sex and the closeness that they feel to their husband.
10. When in doubt, return to the basics.
There is a certain level of comfort and pleasure that comes with vanilla sex – your run of the mill married sex. You shouldn’t be ashamed if that works for you. When your sex life seems to be stuck or you feel like you’re trying too hard, you should return to the basics – the positions and foreplay that have always worked for your husband or wife and you. If it ain’t broke, after all, you shouldn’t fix it.
